That’s some big ass Scorpions…

It was just the other day.  I went into the bathroom and saw a bug, about the size of a match stick, scurrying across the floor.  My instinct was to stomp it back to hell.  And that’s just what I did.  However, as my foot was coming down and the crunch erupted from under my slipper…I remember thinking:  “Oh shit, that’s a damn scorpion!”

So, yeah…there ARE scorpions in Hawaii.


I had already seen the centipedes that everyone talks about.  The largest I’ve seen is about 6 inches.  Those evil bastards are devil-spawn and fast like a floating, slithering, 100-legged demon worm!  I had to stomp on one out on the lanai one night about 12 times before it stopped squirming.


Then there are the cockroaches in Hawaii.  They’re not the biggest I’ve ever seen.  They’re just there.  I’ve seen a few.


I even have a species of snail in my backyard (1 only) that is a Giant African Snail.  It’s a threat to some species of insects and plants in Hawaii.  I reported the sighting (nightly now) on the website but I haven’t got a response or anyone to even let me know they know about it.  Whatevs…

At night…like a Ninja..

And now, there are the scorpions in Hawaii that I’m on the lookout for.

Up until the other day, I had only ever seen 2 other wild scorpions (I’m not counting the occasional one or two that I’ve seen in pet stores).  The first was in El Paso, TX when I was stationed at Ft. Bliss.  It was tiny.  Really small.  The other was a monster in Saudi Arabia while doing a rotation over there around 2000/2001.  It was large.  I mean, like Clash of the Titans large.

And, don’t forget the Geckos in Hawaii.

My Tips for Dealing with Cockroaches, Scorpions and Centipedes in Hawaii:

  1. Don’t let your daughters or wife see it/them.  They’ll never sleep again and you’ll be called to kill stuff way too often afterwards.  If you see one or more…keep it a deep, dark secret.  Don’t ever tell the ladies in your home.  Don’t.
  2. When you see it. Kill it.  Stomp, burn, crush, atomic belly-flop it/them if you have.  Keep in mind, that if you go too crazy then it will attract attention and you’ll have to explain to the women in your home what you were doing or what you were trying to kill.  (See Tip #1).

Good luck…and be careful out there.  Here’s something that may help if you see scorpions, centipedes or mad, feral donkeys in your Hawaiian homes:

Giant African Snails, Centipedes and Scorpions in Hawaii…OH MY!